We all sleep. We spend about a third of our lives sleeping. It is one of the consequences of having a body. Also, it is necessary for survival.
As it is with breathing, eating, farting or pooping, you do not need to go through any kind of training to master the art of sleeping.
It is not categorized as an intentional act to pleasure or entertain the body either…but over time, some humans have taken an extreme interest in this natural condition of the body and have made it their talent, hobby or sole purpose in life.
They list it as a skill on their CVs, register for international competitions that test their expertise. Some even go as far as taking it on as a religion, making it the foundation of their goals and aspirations.
You are probably shaking your head, wondering what kind of weirdos would be that extra with sleep, but you may just be one of them. For those who are open and proud of their inordinate love for sleep, here are 10 things that you’ll completely relate to:
Anywhere strong enough to carry your weight is a bed
You can sleep anywhere, on anything and in any position. You don’t need a bed, you can improvise with anything – a stool, a rope, a pool of water, the floor, another human being…name it. You do not need to be comfortable or even balanced…you just need to sleep.
The word “noise” holds no consequence for you
Your eardrums have a natural noise-cancelling device inbuilt in it, so you never have to worry about not being able to sleep due to noise. You can sleep through a riot, music concert, church service or earthquake. In fact, the club is your favorite place to sleep, despite the loud music, because you can wake up at intervals and sip on some cocktail.
You consider the statement “I was sleeping” to be a perfectly valid excuse
The HR ducked your salary, you didn’t show up for work yesterday. What happened? Oh! yeah, I was sleeping; I called you 12 times, you didn’t pick up. Why? What if it was an emergency? Oh wow, sorry, I was sleeping.
We had fun last night at the club, Beyonce made an appearance. You missed! Yeah, it’s alright, I was sleeping.
Sleeping is a genuine and valid reason as far as you are concerned, and when people try to argue that, you wonder what planet they escaped from. Earthlings require enough sleep per day.
You don’t need any cajoling to sleep
Usually, one would need to relax their mind and prepare their bodies before going to sleep; for people like you who love sleep and make it a priority, you can sleep at any time without undue preparation.
You don’t even need to be exhausted, tired or sick. It’s almost like a switch you can turn on an off. Insomnia is not a word in your dictionary, because you have never had to struggle to sleep. You even brag about how your ability to sleep is a super power because you are that confident about it.
Morning plans are a strict no-no
You are hardworking and ambitious, but certainly, you are not built for the morning hustle. The first thing you consider when you are asked to attend a meeting is the time -to make sure it can accommodate your sleeping schedule. No matter the kind of deal you intend to seal at that meeting, you are willing to cancel it at the last minute – you want a few more minutes or hours of sleep.
In cases where you don’t have a choice but to wake up earlier than normal, you spend the rest of the day cranky, wondering when it is you will get back to your bed.
Everyone complains about how much you sleep
The first thing people say when they are asked to describe you is: he/she loves to sleep. This is because they have had to deal with you choosing sleep over them so many times and they have now accepted the fact that you are eternally bonded with sleep. Your family has held an intervention, asking you to change your sleep habits. You have even been advised by a co-worker to go check to see if you have some sleeping disorder.
Alarm clock is an enemy
You are one of the people the alarm clock was built for. You even have a couple around the house, but you hate them so much! They are the side chics trying to steal your bae (sleep) away from you, but you have to condone them because whether you like or not, you need them to stay woke. Sometimes you actually sleep through the alarm and then you blame the clock for not waking up. You do not understand how people can just get out of sleep on their own volition.
You don’t like to share your bed
Your bed is your best friend and you are a little possessive. You like to be able to spread your body anyhow you want when sleeping and so when someone tries to share the bed with you, it just makes everything uncomfortable for you. It’s even worse when the person now tries to talk or spoon; you just want to shout in their ears and let them know that a bed is for sleeping and they should let you be.
You even consider building a pillow fort when you really have to share the bed because you really do not want any interruptions when sleeping.
You pre-schedule sleep
Life is all about planning and so you realize that the only way to get more time to do what you love doing best –sleeping, is by scheduling your time to accommodate more of it in your free time.
You schedule in sleep on your commute to work in the morning, at least 10 minutes nap during break time, another 10 minutes before you go to the gym after work and perhaps another 30 minutes nap if it’s a Saturday and you have to hang out with friends. You always try to schedule in as much sleep as you can.
You have considered quitting your job just to sleep in
Most mornings, you wake up and actually consider just going back to bed. You think abou sending in a resignation later in the day. Surely, the world would not come to an end if you just quit your job? You just want to stay at home to sleep for the rest of your life.